Infertility (you knew this was coming, right?!)

I must confess: I'm infertile. Hubby and I are passed the point of feeling sorry for ourselves and have moved on with our childless life. We are happy and still in love with each other. We enjoy all the children in our lives: our nephews, our friends children and our cousins children. Adding a child would have been fantastic, but it wasn't meant to be for us. We are OK with that, we have each other.

Our journey starting in April 2008 when I went off the pill. When we didn't get pregnant by April 2009, we sought out additional assistance. Long story short, dozens of tests, dozens of people praying for us, 1 miscarriage, 1surgery, 5 artificial insemination's, 1 IVF and thousands of shots and pills later, (not to mention thousands of dollars) we ended up with nothing by May of 2011. It was at that point we decided that if God wanted us to have children He'll bring us to it. Adoption, at that point, was out because we spent everything we had on fertility treatments.

We have adjusted to our childless lifestyle, not that we know anything else! We are used to being together just the two of us. If we want to drop everything and go out to eat, we do, if we decide we want to run errands or go to the movies after wards, we do. No worrying about naps, babysitters, bed times, etc. It's a sort of freedom, that most parents do not have, so we enjoy it.

If we hear you are pregnant, we ARE happy for you, we really are. It's not your fault that it wasn't meant to be for us, so stop feeling sorry for us! Let us enjoy your pregnancy and child, too. Is that too much to ask?

Yesterday, hubby was given a baby shower invitation from a guy at work he barely knows. The guy is fairly new to the company of over 500 people and hubby has had very limited interaction with him. My very even keeled husband was kind enough to take the invitation, but informed new guy that we would not be attending the shower. New guy insisted on knowing why. This frustrated my hubby as he explained to him that they were 'not friends, the wives don't know each other and our families are not friends'. New guy said to hubby 'you don't know how hard it's been for us to get pregnant' to which my hubby responded 'actually I do know, I know first hand, I'm sorry, we won't be able to make it' – new guy responded with 'you can still get us a gift, we're registered at XYZ'. Hubby came home so mad, and for anyone who knows him, he's the even keeled one, I'm the hysterical one. It made me realize that the pain of not being able to have kids of our own is still a wound that will probably never completely heal, and I'm not the only one who feels it. People always feel for the woman, but seem to forget about the man. Except me, I haven't forgotten about my man. He has the same pain as I do, we talked about it at length while going through the process and continued long after our journey was over.

We knew that certain things would trigger the emotions, but I thought it would be more me, than him. I was wrong. He experiences the same run of emotions I do, just different things trigger it. Do we want to be invited to your baby shower, of course, but ask your self these questions:

Do we really know you? Are we related? Are we friends? If the answer to any of these is YES, then by all means send us an invitation!

A BIT OF ADVICE!!!

If you have questions about our infertility, please ask us! Don't whisper behind our backs, we know you're doing it.

Please don't feel sorry for us, we don't.

Please don't say a prayer that it will happen for us, it probably won't.

Please don't say 'relax, it will happen', it hasn't.

For the complete list of things not to say check out this site, it is right on target!!!

http://laugheduntilwecried.wordpress.com/2011/08/02/top-eleven-things-%E2%80%93-not-to-say-to-someone-experiencing-infertility/

Living life to its fullest!

Wendy

The War on Women rages on...

I must confess: WTF is going on?

• Rush Limbaugh called a Georgetown law student, Sandra Fluke, a slut and a prostitute because she testified 'in favor of women having access to birth control.' We all saw that on the news.  He apologized, but its too little too late if you ask me.
  

• In Wisconsin, Assemblyman Don Pridemore thinks that women should stay in abusive marriages. And that instead of leaving an abusive marriage that they should 'try to remember the things they love about their husbands'. Personally, as someone who was previously in an abusive relationship, I am appalled! Was I just supposed to wait until I was beaten to a bloody pulp or worse, died, before I could get out of the relationship? Fuck that! I am all for counseling, and trying to make things work, definitely, but if it doesn't help, you have to get out and save yourself and any children involved. NO government should have the right to decide that you HAVE to stay in a marriage! http://shine.yahoo.com/love-sex/wisconsin-lawmaker-says-women-stay-abusive-marriages-232700220.html

• In Wisconsin, again, Senator Glenn Grothman, (who isn't married and has no children, by the way) moves to amend existing state law by 'requiring the Child Abuse and Neglect Prevention Board to emphasize non-marital parenthood as a contributing factor to child abuse and neglect.' I know plenty of single parents. And they are doing just fine, thankyouverymuch! Child abuse? Are they serious! http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/wisconsin-bill-claims-single-moms-cause-child-abuse-011200419.html;_ylt=Au_xT.YI097KZ2LHo8SCT0d.bqU5;_ylu=X3oDMTFrNnJydmMxBG1pdANCbG9nUG9zdEJvZHkEcG9zAzcEc2VjA01lZGlhQmxvZ0JvZHlUZW1wQXNzZW1ibHk-;_ylg=X3oDMTMxN203NXZnBGludGwDdXMEbGFuZwNlbi11cwRwc3RhaWQDYjhjNTFmZjctMTljZi0zZmE3LThhMzAtN2MyZjVmNDc3M2U4BHBzdGNhdANsb3ZlK3NleARwdANzdG9yeXBhZ2UEdGVzdAM-;_ylv=3

• In Georgia, state Rep. Bobby Franklin introduced legislation to change the legal term for victims of rape, stalking, and domestic violence to 'accuser.' But victims of other less gendered crimes, like burglary, would remain 'victims.' http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/02/04/georgia-lawmaker-redefine-rape-victims-accusers_n_818718.html

• 
  Congress just voted for a Republican amendment to cut all federal funding from Planned Parenthood health centers, one of the most trusted providers of basic health care and family planning in our country.  As a former patient of Planned Parenthood, I'm disappointed.  I was 18 years old and a freshmen in college when I decided to take my future in my own hands.  I wasn't ready to be a parent. I was going to be one of the first in my family to get a college degree!  But lets face it, I was sexually active and poor.  Planned Parenthood gave me the opportunity to be in charge of my own health.  It wasn't anything we talked about in my house. Ever. They gave me the option to prevent pregnancy, because seriously, condoms are only so effective. Planned Parenthood isn't just about abortions, it's about a woman having the right to take care of her own health.  http://www.plannedparenthood.org/about-us/statement-cecile-richards-president-planned-parenthood-federation-america-passage-pence-bill-el-36226.htm

So, IS this a war against women, a war on funding, a war on our rights? Are we going to lose the right to vote and drive as well? I don't think that women wanting the right to make our own choices is too demanding. Hopefully, it will be the women in politics who stand up for those who don't have a big enough voice. Cause this shit is ridiculous.

Wendy