I must confess: I'm
infertile. Hubby and I are passed the point of feeling sorry for
ourselves and have moved on with our childless life. We are happy
and still in love with each other. We enjoy all the children in our
lives: our nephews, our friends children and our cousins children.
Adding a child would have been fantastic, but it wasn't meant to be
for us. We are OK with that, we have each other.
Our journey
starting in April 2008 when I went off the pill. When we didn't get
pregnant by April 2009, we sought out additional assistance. Long
story short, dozens of tests, dozens of people praying for us, 1
miscarriage, 1surgery, 5 artificial insemination's, 1 IVF and
thousands of shots and pills later, (not to mention thousands of
dollars) we ended up with nothing by May of 2011. It was at that
point we decided that if God wanted us to have children He'll bring
us to it. Adoption, at that point, was out because we spent
everything we had on fertility treatments.
We have adjusted
to our childless lifestyle, not that we know anything else! We are
used to being together just the two of us. If we want to drop
everything and go out to eat, we do, if we decide we want to run
errands or go to the movies after wards, we do. No worrying about
naps, babysitters, bed times, etc. It's a sort of freedom, that most
parents do not have, so we enjoy it.
If we hear you are
pregnant, we ARE happy for you, we really are. It's not your fault
that it wasn't meant to be for us, so stop feeling sorry for us! Let
us enjoy your pregnancy and child, too. Is that too much to ask?
Yesterday, hubby
was given a baby shower invitation from a guy at work he barely
knows. The guy is fairly new to the company of over 500 people and
hubby has had very limited interaction with him. My very even keeled
husband was kind enough to take the invitation, but informed new guy
that we would not be attending the shower. New guy insisted on
knowing why. This frustrated my hubby as he explained to him that
they were 'not friends, the wives don't know each other and our
families are not friends'. New guy said to hubby 'you don't know how
hard it's been for us to get pregnant' to which my hubby responded
'actually I do know, I know first hand, I'm sorry, we won't be able
to make it' – new guy responded with 'you can still get us a gift,
we're registered at XYZ'. Hubby came home so mad, and for anyone who
knows him, he's the even keeled one, I'm the hysterical one. It made
me realize that the pain of not being able to have kids of our own is
still a wound that will probably never completely heal, and I'm not
the only one who feels it. People always feel for the woman, but
seem to forget about the man. Except me, I haven't forgotten about my
man. He has the same pain as I do, we talked about it at length while
going through the process and continued long after our journey was
over.
We knew that
certain things would trigger the emotions, but I thought it would be
more me, than him. I was wrong. He experiences the same run of
emotions I do, just different things trigger it. Do we want to be
invited to your baby shower, of course, but ask your self these
questions:
Do we really know
you? Are we related? Are we friends? If the answer to any of these
is YES, then by all means send us an invitation!
A BIT OF ADVICE!!!
If you have
questions about our infertility, please ask us! Don't whisper behind
our backs, we know you're doing it.
Please don't feel
sorry for us, we don't.
Please don't say a
prayer that it will happen for us, it probably won't.
Please don't say
'relax, it will happen', it hasn't.
For the complete
list of things not to say check out this site, it is right on
target!!!
Living life to its
fullest!
Wendy
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